Funny Wedding Quotes
Below are some humourous quotes made by famous people on the subject of weddings and relationships.
Humourous Wedding Quotes
Socrates
- By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.
Jean Kerr
- Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.
Grouch Marx
- Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Marie Corelli
- I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
Samuel Johnson
- Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
Cher
- The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him.
Robert Frost
- It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
Helen Rowland
- A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
- Before marriage a man will lay awake all night thinking about something you said, after marriage he'll fall asleep before you have finished saying it.
Oscar Wilde
- The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.
- No man should have a secret from his wife. She invariably finds it out
George Bernard Shaw
- Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
Agatha Christie
- An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested in her he becomes.
- Any woman can fool a man if she wants to and if he's in love with her
George Nathan
- Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a particular brand of beer exactly to his taste, he should at once throw in his job and go to work in the brewery.
Marion Smith
- Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women.
Ogden Nash
- All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Mae West
- It's not the man in my life that counts, it's the life in my men.
- Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
The Bible
- Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing.
Marcel Achard
- Women like silent men, they think they are listening.
Jean Harlow
- I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man.
Katherine Whitehorn
- No nice men are good at getting taxis.
Catherine II of Russia
- Men make love more intensely at twenty, but make love better however, at thirty.
Dorothy Parker
- I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
Maryon Pearson
- Behind every great man is a surprised woman.
Anonymous
- The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake.
- Marriage is a sort of friendship recognised by the police.
- A husband's last words should always be "OK buy it"
- Nothing makes a good wife like a good husband.
- Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning you have two hearts and a diamond.
Give it a few years and you'll wish you had a club and a spade.
Learn more about wedding anniversaries, wedding etiquette and wedding customs on our wedding trivia page.
